A gate sends the message, “Theres something in here worth protecting.” If you don’t have boundaries, what message are you sending?

In life, there are two types of men: 

1. OPEN TO THE PUBLIC
2. GATED COMMUNITY

Which type are you?

Think about places that are truly open to the public – – where people come and go unsupervised – – parking lots, parks, alleys, beaches, the woods, etc. If you stick around these places long enough, if you take just a slightly closer look, what do you usually find? Garbage – – they’re tagged up – – nefarious activities take place, and occasionally… You find urine.

In the same way, open-to-the-public-type men have very loose, or maybe no qualifications for the who they allow in their circle. They excuse others who mistreat them, don’t define or communicate their needs, and often act against their values in order to please others.

Even though open-to-the-public men are seeking happiness by being overly-agreeable to everybody, they are actually unhappy because first and foremost, they don’t agree with themselves.

Ironically, even though nobody really hates this type of dude, nobody really loves him either –they’re “meh” about him. Also, just like any place that’s largely unsupervised, he’s vulnerable to figuratively getting pissed on by manipulative people who take advantage of his “kindness”…  See how I came back to that metaphor?

Characteristics of a gated community: exclusivity and a code of conduct. Every gated community has a code of conduct. The members of this community gladly adhere to and enforce this code of conduct. Also, they revel in the exclusivity of their neighborhood.

The gated-community-type man behaves in the same way: he has a code of conduct that is meticulously defined, communicated, and enforced. Because of this, members of his circle gladly follow the code of conduct – -they know the expectations – – more than likely have those same expectations for them selves, and as a matter of fact, they view being associated with this man as a privilege.

Which would you rather be, open-to – the-public, or a gated community?

THE 3 REASONS YOU NEED TO BECOME LIKE A GATED COMMUNITY:

• Save yourself time, energy, and frustration. It’s a misconception that people with strong personal boundaries are closed off, stuck up, and unfriendly. Their not. Rather, there is a code of conduct that benefits everybody involved. Don’t believe me? Think about the last time you were in a place that you knew you didn’t belong…  Did you enjoy it? Weren’t you frustrated? Didn’t you start thinking up ways to change the environment so that it better suited you? In the same way, people who don’t belong in your circle will not enjoy their stay there (AND NEITHER WILL YOU). They’ll be frustrated, uncomfortable, and will start thinking of a number of ways to change things (AND SO WILL YOU). This is because boundaries exist for a reason. They let people know where they belong and where they don’t. By maintaining strong boundaries, you’re actually being kind to people who don’t belong in your life because (A) you’ll either save them time and frustration, or (B) YOU’LL MAKE THEM TO STEP THEIR GAME UP IN ORDER TO RUN WITH YOU! I need to say that again:

MAINTAINING STRONG PERSONAL BOUNDARIES WILL CAUSE PEOPLE TO STEP THEIR GAME UP IN ORDER TO BE IN YOUR CIRCLE. IRON SHARPENS IRON.

• You’ll know what it feels like to be cherished. The people who dwell in your circle will take pride in the exclusivity of their relationship with you –they’ll actually work to maintain your boundaries. Want proof? Try dating a girl with high self-esteem. Not only do you have to pass her tests, you also have to pass with her friends, family, mentors, pastor, and twitter followers (JK). Seriously though, the people in her circle cherish her; therefore, they won’t allow just anybody in the circle. IT SHOULD BE THE SAME FOR YOU!  Don’t you want that for yourself? Don’t you want the people in your life to g-check anybody trying to dwell within your gates? This only comes with maintaining strong personal boundaries. You’ll never know what it feels like to be cherished, until you start cherishing your own time and values.

BY MAINTAINING STRONG PERSONAL BOUNDARIES, PEOPLE WILL WORK TO MAINTAIN YOUR BOUNDARIES FOR YOU. WANT PROOF? TRY DATING A GIRL WITH HIGH SELF-ESTEEM

• You’ll be a far more attractive man. When I say attractive, I don’t strictly mean in the romantic sense –although that’s true too (-; … What I mean is that you’ll attract the people who belong in your life at a much faster clip (think regular magnet vs. electro-magnet). This is because people who are willing to live by your code of conduct more than likely have the same code as well. They see themselves in you; therefore, they want to be around you. There is a universal law which states, YOU ARE WHO YOU ATTRACT. The people who dwell in your life are a reflection of some aspect of your character, one way or another. And yet, if you’re not a clearly defined person –if you don’t maintain strong convictions and boundaries –if you’re vague… People will only be vaguely attracted to you. Are you the type of person who has had life-long friends, or do people constantly come in and out of your life? Do you find it difficult to make new friends or become friends with men you admire? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you probably need to do some work defining your boundaries. In an attempt to be well-liked and to gain friends, sometimes we’re passive and let people abuse our boundaries. However, ironically, by not being clear about who we are and what we stand for, we actually repel people. This is no surprise because we’re literally not giving them anything to like… The most attractive things in life  are exclusive, you should be as well. Vague people get vague results. If you want stronger relationships (counterintuitively) build stronger boundaries. The people who love you will REALLY love you; however, be warned, the people who don’t like you will REALLY not like you as well. The good news is, you won’t care.

THE EXCLUSIVITY OF GATED COMMUNITY MAKES PEOPLE WANT TO BE THERE AND STAY THERE. IF YOU WANT STRONGER RELATIONSHIPS (COUNTERINTUITIVELY) BUILD STRONGER PERSONAL BOUNDARIES.

So, you’ve just read my 3 reasons why you should behave as a gated community, instead of open to the public, they are:

1. You’ll save yourself time, energy, and frustration
2. You’ll know what it feels like to be cherished
3. You’ll be a far more attractive man.

The one thing I want to make clear is that having boundaries isn’t an excuse to treat people poorly, or keep everyone at a distance. Some people seem like they have boundaries, but really, they’re just insecure. They have an attachment issue and close everybody out because they’re afraid of being hurt once they let people in. That’s vastly different from what I’m talking about.

Do you agree or disagree? Should we be more like gated communities? Like, comment, subscribe below.

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~Shalom~

If you’d like to read more about establishing boundaries.

1. Check out my future blog post: How to Establish Personal Boundaries
2. Checkout the book/ audiobook “Psycho-cybernetics” by Dr. Maxwell Maltz/ “Boundaries” by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend

Educator. Blogger. Natural hair enthusiast. Augustine Joseph works as an english teacher and Uber driver on the weekends. He lives in North Jersey (home of the least approachable women in America). Follow him on IG: enyo89.

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